Musings of a Red Head
by water sprite
Summary: It all began in my sixth year at Hogwarts. At first I was completely oblivious to Malfoy's charms, I mean I probably wouldn't have even noticed him if he danced naked in front of me. Okay maybe I would have, but I think you get my point. GD
1. It Begins

It all began in a certain witchcraft and wizarding school I attended as a child. Scratch that, more like it all began on a certain 24th of October at said Witchcraft and wizarding school. I could even tell you the exact time of day that it began, if you really wanted to know. In these circumstances though, it seems irrelevant, the main point is that it began.  
  
Being the only girl, other than my mother, in a houseful of men, who were very much like boys in most respects, isn't as horrible as it may seem. Sure, you hear the odd explosion from upstairs every once in a while and there's always at least one brother on your case about something, but you get used to it. I suppose I even got to a point where I couldn't imagine living any other way. So really, if your friends were constantly feeling sorry for you because you have to go home to such a hectic and crazy place, wouldn't you get a little pissed off having to repeat: "It's not as bad as it seems," more than ten times over?  
  
They really shouldn't have been surprised when I simply got up and left them once they began another conversation about how sorry they were for me, having such horrid brothers and all. It really seemed to be a popular topic lately. Who knows, half of them were probably in love with Ron. Who better to squeeze information out of than his own sister?  
  
It was a Friday night and my sixth year Gryffindor girls' dorm was having our ritual Friday slumber party. These late night parties had begun in our second year, I'm not sure if the others had started in the first, but I really wasn't prepared to ask and get nervous looks from the other girls. They all knew about what happened to me in my first year and by now they knew not to talk about it openly. And that was fine; I'd rather not bring back the memories anyway.  
  
I wasn't being quite myself that night. Usually I would have laughed off the topic of my brothers and changed the subject, but thanks to a certain silver haired Malfoy, my spirits had already been dampened that day and I was a bit on edge.  
  
After lunch, when I had been heading to double Transfiguration with the Hufflepuffs, Hermione surprisingly stopped me in the hall. She and I had always been on friendly terms, we weren't the best of friends, but it's not as if I hated her or anything. I suppose I still held on to that jealousy I had for her in my first few years at Hogwarts. Even though I was completely over Harry now, I couldn't seem to get rid of that bitterness I had felt towards Hermione. She had always been so close to Harry. I kind of blocked her out I suppose.  
  
So it's pretty reasonable to say that I was surprised when she stopped me in the hall, her eyes looking pleading. What could Hermione have to say to me? I hadn't talked to her in two or three days, and we never said anything of much importance. I suppose, looking back now, it had seemed as if she wanted to tell me something for some time, but couldn't quite spit it out. I hadn't thought of that then, or it might have saved me a bit of time.  
  
"Ginny," She called to me, running against the traffic and grabbing onto my shoulder for support as she caught her breath. Hermione and I were both about average height, although Hermione was a bit thinner than I was. "Ginny, I've been meaning to ask you about something." She stated, letting go of my shoulder and turning to walk in the same direction I was.  
  
"Okay," I said, and I have to admit I was very confused.  
  
"It's about Ron," Hermione said, I noticed that her cheeks did turn a bit pink when she said this. I smiled; it was about time Hermione noticed Ron. It must have been at least two years since he began sending longing looks her way. "He -, I think he likes me, Ginny." Hermione continued in a sort of quiet, embarrassed tone, I wondered why she was telling me this; I mean she had other closer friends to confide in, didn't she? I decided against bringing this topic up, who knows, maybe she didn't.  
  
"Really," I replied, with a hint of sarcasm. Hermione picked it up and nudged me in the arm. I stopped walking now and turned towards her, smiling. "Well it's about time you noticed, Hermione Granger." Her mouth formed a small "o" shape but no sound came out. She quickly closed it and then turned again and continued walking. I followed.  
  
"So, what do I do about it?" Hermione asked quietly. I really didn't have any experience in this field; so far in my life I had been too busy for relationships of any kind. It wasn't as if I didn't want a boyfriend, it was just the opportunity hadn't presented itself yet. So it was kind of awkward for me to be giving advice to Hermione, especially when the person in question was my brother, but I did my best.  
  
"Why don't you tell him how you feel?" I suggested. I knew this was a lot easier said than done, but it was a start. I looked over at Hermione; she looked uncomfortable. "Well, I guess, first of all how do you feel?"   
  
This made her look even more uncomfortable.  
  
"That's just it, Ginny. I don't know how I feel. I mean I never thought of him as - you know and now that I know, well it makes me look at him differently. You know what I mean? And just now, I don't know what to think." Hermione looked even more confused now and I was shocked.  
  
Hearing the words 'I don't know' coming from Hermione was something I'd never experienced before. It was the kind of thing Draco Malfoy would've paid to hear her say. I could see him now, putting on that evil smirk and making a show of her, 'SIX SICKLES to hear HERMIONE GRANGER say, "I DON'T KNOW." And the sad part was, that people would pay, making a big joke about it.  
  
I didn't know what to say to that, so we walked in silence for a bit, both wandering off into our own thoughts. Then Hermione suddenly stopped and turned around.  
  
"I should go or I'll be late for Herbology. Thanks for the help," she told me and ran down the corridor in the opposite direction. I tried to call after her, but she had already disappeared.  
  
When I turned around I realized that I must've taken a wrong turn somewhere, because I didn't recognize the place. It was dark and there didn't appear to be any windows nearby, or classrooms for that matter. So I tried doubling back my footsteps for a little while, but after about five minutes I still didn't recognize the area. I was beginning to get a bit nervous, not because I was lost, but because of the prospect of showing up for Transfiguration late. McGonagoll was never lenient towards any of her students, and I really didn't want to have to go through detention with her again.  
  
"Where are you going?" I heard a voice ask and somebody came out of the shadows just ahead of me. I studied the profile; tall, broad shoulders, and messy, silvery hair. It was Malfoy. He came closer to me and I could see his cold, gray eyes staring into my hazel ones. I shivered beneath them, but did not cower; he smirked then and walked a bit closer, as if to threaten me.   
  
  
  
Composing myself, I lifted my head and narrowed my eyes, still looking up into his.  
  
"Where I came from," I told him and made to move past.  
  
He grabbed my wrist as I came nearer and bent down near to my ear. I could feel his hot breath on my skin as he whispered, "Are they the same place?"  
  
And then he was gone, walking past me and out of sight into the shadows. For some reason, I was unable to move for a couple of seconds. What was that? I asked myself. Another run-in with Malfoy, I suppose. But this time it was different, usually he would just stop me in the corridors and make some nasty comment about my family, I would either yell at him or walk away. He had never done this before. It was as if he was trying to tell me something, like he knew something that I didn't.  
  
Malfoy's question kept me thinking for the rest of the day and was what kept me unnerved. By the time the girls in my dorm began the slumber party, around ten o'clock at night, I was beginning to become annoyed. I mean seriously, what kind of insane person goes around talking in riddles? I began to think that maybe it was just me overreacting, and really all he was trying to do was direct me out of the corridor. But for some reason I knew that was not true and there really was no point in fooling myself.  
  
So when the girls began talking of family again and seemed to come back to the topic of mine, the only thing I could do, to get away from the noise, was to leave.  
  
I ignored the girls' protests as I wandered down the dormitory stairs into the common room. It was around half past eleven at night by that time and the room was empty. Being the 24th of October, the stone stairs were cold on my slippered feet, but I didn't notice, save for the goose bumps on my skin.  
  
After sitting in front of the fireplace for a little while, I decided that I really needed to get out of there to clear my mind. Hopefully by tomorrow I would have no lingering thoughts on Malfoy. Getting up quickly, I went out the portrait door, not knowing exactly where I was going.  
  
It was colder out in the corridor and I wrapped my arms around my breast. My slippers and pajamas made me feel a bit too exposed for my liking. Maybe Mom had been right when she told me my nightshirt was too short. It would have to do for now though, I didn't want to go back upstairs to change and have to face those girls.  
  
From then on I just walked and I guess it must have been doing me good, because I didn't think about Malfoy once. To tell the truth though, I wasn't really thinking about anything while I was out. I suppose it was just the freedom of being away from everyone else. Free from all the confines and rules of the dormitories, and also free from those curious girls who I didn't have the heart to call my friends at the time.  
  
I had been walking for a while before I started to realize how cold it really was. My legs were bare after all, and looking down at my hands,   
  
I saw that the fingernails were beginning to look blue. I wasn't a small girl, not one of those meek little girls who couldn't hold her own against anything, but I wasn't overly large either and it was pretty cold.  
  
Oddly enough, when I looked up, I realized that I was just near the prefect bathrooms. Not being a prefect myself though, I could not get in to warm up, so I had to do my best by sitting against the wall and feeling the warmth from the other side. I spent a long time sitting there and occasionally dozed off.  
  
I was in one of my dazes when the wall disappearing from behind rudely awakened me. I had been in a sort of ball; all scrunched up to help keep myself warm. So I sort of rolled backwards and then straightened out. My memory is so vivid of this moment, that it still feels like it happened yesterday.  
  
I can remember the feeling of my head gently falling onto what I had thought was a pillow at the time, but was really a pair of bare feet. I can remember opening my eyes slowly and then quickly realizing that I was not in bed, but lying on the floor of the prefects' bathroom, which was very steamy. I remember thinking someone had obviously had a bath recently, and then I can remember looking up.  
  
The first thing I saw was a pair of legs clad in black, baggy pants. When I looked up farther, I saw the fringe of a pair of boxers. Which, when I looked closer, were black with flying pigs on them. I can remember finding this very amusing at the time. Then, I remember slowly looking farther up and noticing how well built this person's chest was. I recall my cheeks feeling hot and my eyes quickly looking farther up, only to realize that this body belonged to Malfoy.  
  
I quickly stood up after this and faced, what apparently was, a half naked Draco Malfoy. I knew my cheeks were probably burning with embarrassment, but I chanced a glance at his face anyway. I caught his eyes raking up and down my body and I became violently aware of how little I was wearing. My whole face was probably a deep shade of red then.  
  
His eyes met mine and, surprisingly enough, he did not look angry.   
  
"You're cold," he said simply and then he came closer and handed me his cloak. Not thinking properly, I took the cloak and wrapped it around myself, instantly grateful for its warmth. It smelled nice, but I couldn't identify the scent.  
  
"Thanks," I said, a bit louder than I intended to.  
  
Malfoy lead me over to the side of the pool saying, "Your lips are blue. You should come and warm yourself up." His voice would have been called very sexy by many of my friends, but since I never seemed to notice those kinds of things, or maybe it was that I wasn't looking, either way though, I was completely oblivious to it.  
  
I guess I was more preoccupied with being extremely nervous and wondering who this was and what they had done with the real Draco Malfoy. Eventually, my nervousness got the better of me and I began to laugh hysterically. Picking a target, I laughed at his boxers. I seem to have this strange way of always giggling or laughing when I'm in serious situations, and I always seem to come off looking very stupid.  
  
So here I was, laughing like an idiot, in front of Draco Malfoy, who was now scowling at me as if I was a dirty dog having a seizure. I suppose this wasn't the reaction he had expected at all. Maybe he had been trying to seduce me. The thought of which quickly sobered me up. But I knew this was not true the instant I looked at him. His eyes were back to the way they had been before: cold and piercingly gray, there was no warmth left there.  
  
"You're warm now, then?" He asked me without a hint of concern.  
  
"Yes," I nodded. "Thank you," I looked down in embarrassment again. I heard him get up and leave, taking his naked chest and pink pig boxers with him; and for the second time that day, leaving me in a state of shock. So many questions popped into my head at once, that I must've started giggling again, though my memory is fuzzier around this part.  
  
I had never thought that Draco Malfoy was a very interesting and sexy guy, as I had heard many of the older girls in the school describing him. For some odd reason they saw a troubled and mysterious man, but whenever I looked at him all I saw was an evil smirk and a mind so corrupted by the Dark Arts that it was pointless to try and turn him back. My views of him were not changed after the incident on the 24th, even if I did begin to find him very attractive. I am not shallow though, and never went for a guy just on looks alone.  
  
Whether I liked it or not though, Draco Malfoy would hold a place in my mind, however small and hidden, for a long time to come.  
  
And so it began. 


	2. Ron and Hermione

I don't want to brag or anything like that, but I pride myself in being one of the main reasons Ron and Hermione finally got together. Harry being the other. It took about two weeks after Hermione first talked to me in October for her to finally decide how she really felt towards Ron, and then another couple of days for them to get together.  
  
It was a week after I had first talked to Hermione, that she stopped me in the hall and asked for more help. I decided that if I was to play matchmaker for Ron and Hermione than I was going to need a bit more time to think of tactics than a couple of quick ideas made up on the spot. So I asked Hermione if she wanted to meet me at the Three Broomsticks for butterbeer on Saturday, as it happened to be (quite conveniently) a Hogsmeade weekend.  
  
Once again I don't mean to brag, but I do admit that this particular move was a stroke of genius on my part. It bought me time to consult Harry about Ron and discuss a few ideas on how we should get them together. At this point I was really getting into the whole matchmaker thing, love was in the air and even if it wasn't someones love for me, it still made me smile everytime I saw Ron and Hermione together.  
  
When I went to talk to Harry the friday night before my scheduled meeting with Hermione, I was happy to discover that he was more than willing to help.  
  
"You don't know how exhausting it's been, all Ron seems to talk about is Hermione," I recall Harry telling me, though I didn't dare tell him things probably wouldn't change after they got together. After all I couldn't single handedly get Ron and Hermione to realise their love for each other.  
  
The next day Harry took Ron for a little 'Chat', while she and I were at the Three Broomsticks. There we talked about a lot of things, it was so obvious that Hermione was in love with Ron. The way her cheeks got all pink when she mentioned him and how her voice sounded different when she talked about him wasn't lost on me. I remember being so frustrated that the two just wouldn't realise how perfect they were for eachother.  
  
Hermione and I became much better friends in the week to come, if not best than really good friends. I had forgotten any grudge I might have had for her before, and my mind seemed to be concentrating on Ron and Hermione only. I guess it was another escape of some sorts for me, but from what I'm not sure.  
  
By the time I got Hermione to finally tell me her true feelings for Ron, Harry had convinced Ron to talk to her and from then on it was easy. All we had to do was come up with a plan to leave them alone long enough for Ron to get up the guts to say something. Ron and Hermione rarely did anything without Harry lately, so we waited for the right moment.  
  
It was a Wednesday evening, just three days after Hermione told me her feelings, that the perfect opportunity presented itself. I had taken to eating meals with the threesome during this time and was present when Hermione suggested that they go to the library that evening and begin researching something, she wouldn't tell me what though.  
  
"I don't know Hermione," I remember Ron saying. "Maybe we should go later." He was looking at me nervously. It was so perdictable, the way those three would include you in their little circle one minute and the next completely throw you from the loop. I knew it was coming, but I didn't think it would happen before Ron and Hermione were together.   
  
The two were sitting beside eachother on one side of the table and Harry and I on the other. When we first started sitting like this, Ron had been a bit suspicious that we were together or something like that, but he hadn't mentioned it for a long time; I think Hermione might've stepped in and convinced him otherwise.   
  
So when Harry said, "It's okay Ron, we can tell Ginny about it, she's okay." I think Ron's suspicions were confirmed, for a little while at least. Harry had never stuck up for me like that before, or at least never expressed a want for me to be included in their adventures. I was even a little shocked that Harry said it; looking back now I realise that, like me, Harry probably saw that going to the library at night was the perfect opportunity to play our plan out. He knew that I wanted to participate so he tried to include me. A particularly nice thing of Harry to do and it made my heart soften towards him again, maybe a little bit of my old crush came back.  
  
Ron, surprisingly enough, didn't say anything, I think he was under the influence of Hermione once again. I could tell he wanted to say something; his mouth was all pursed and he was glaring at me. I thought he had gotten over the little 'Must protect my baby sister' thing in my second year, but apparently I was wrong.  
  
Before Ron could give in and say something about the situation, Hermione stepped in.  
  
"Sure why not," she said. "You can come along, Gin." Hermione smiled at me, though her eyes didn't look completely sincere. I decided to ignore this and thanked her for including me, making sure I got a good glare in at Ron.  
  
The magical clock had just struck 7 when we were leaving the Great Hall and heading towards the library. Hermione briefed me on what I was supposed to be looking for, some ancient artifact, I can't remember the name of it now; she didn't tell me anything about why I was looking for it. I wasn't really interested anyway, I was more excited about finally getting Hermione and Ron together.  
  
When we walked into the library, Madame Pince gave us a discouraging scowl, as if we were violating some school law; She was in one of her moods. Harry suggested that we go back to the more private areas of the library and start our search there, we all agreed.   
  
I must've searched through a zillion old and yellow books before I decided that it was time for me to do something. Closing the dusty volume I had been flipping through, I stood up.  
  
"Well I think we're about done this section, Harry why don't you and I go start on the other side of the library?" I gave Harry a look to make sure he understood what I meant.  
  
"Ok," Harry said closing his book and putting it away. I have to give him credit, he looked like Draco Malfoy, all calm and collected like he hadn't been surpised at all. Maybe he wasn't, but at the time that's what I thought.  
  
Hermione was deep in concentration and didn't even notice we were leaving, but Ron looked up and questionned us.  
  
"We're just going to start looking in other parts of the library, you two can stay here and finish this area, okay?" Harry stated, winking at Ron.   
  
"Uh...okay," Ron said, sounding a bit unsure. I don't think he got the message right then, but he must've figured it out.  
  
Harry walked behind me as we headed over to the other side of the library. I could feel his hand on my back, guiding me. At that time I felt this weird vibe coming off him and I didn't particularly like it. I thought that it was because he had been walking so close behind me, unnessicarly close actually. I moved a bit away from him, looking curiously up into his green eyes, they smiled back at me. I looked away quickly, I can't really describe what I was feeling, something about the way Harry was acting freaked me out and I started to feel uncomfortable.  
  
"Why don't we sit here for a little while and wait." I said, trying to concentrate on something other than Harry's hand on my back.   
  
Harry didn't say anything but just sat down at the nearest table. I sat across from him. For some reason I felt that our relationship had changed at that moment. During the weeks that we were planning on Ron and Hermione getting together we had just been simple friends, nothing complicated. We would joke around and have fun, but never really touched on anything serious, apart from the two lovers of course. Now he seemed to be looking at me differently, like there was something about me that he wanted to know but couldn't quite tap into. He was looking at me with those bright green eyes that had made so many girls' knee's tremble. I guess it was because I hadn't thought of Harry as anything else but Ron's best friend for so long that I didn't feel anything special.  
  
"Stop looking at me like that, Harry." I joked, trying to make light of the situation. As we were sitting there I confess I tried my hardest to feel happy, I mean this is what I had wanted all those years ago; but the effort was pointless, I was trying to fool my heart and I knew that couldn't be done.  
  
Harry chuckled and looked away. "Listen, Ginny there's a Hogsmeade weekend coming up and I've been wondering, you know, if you'll go out with me?" He said turning back to face me with those unusual eyes.  
  
I hadn't been expecting that at all. The shock sort of felt like when your cauldron blows up in potions, splattering goey stuff all over you, surprising but not particularily pleasant. I really was tempted to say yes, it was his eyes that weekened me, they were so, I'm not sure how to put it, captivating I guess. I swallowed my fears though, and didn't really answer him at all.  
  
Biting my lip I said nervously, "I'm sorry Harry, it's getting late, I'll talk to you later." Gathering my bookbag, I half ran half walked out of the library, not really paying attention to my surroundings. I hardly even noticed when I brushed up against Malfoy on his way into the library, I only vaguely remember him yelling,"Watch it Weasley!" at my back.  
  
Once out of the library I ran up to Gryffindor Tower, muttering the password to the Fat Lady and then arriving at my dorm and collapsing on my bed. I don't really know why Harry acting like that scared me so much. I guess it was because I had given him up so long ago and now that he wanted me, I didn't want him and I suddenly felt alone. I had no one really close to me that I could talk to, no one to tell my real feelings to, I hadn't noticed it until then but I really didn't have any good friends. The thought made tears come to my eyes, more than ever at that moment I wanted someone to hold me, just give me a hug. Someone who wouldn't ask any questions but would love me anyway, and I wanted someone to love.  
  
I started to think that I didn't want Ron and Hermione to be together, I could see them walking down the halls hand in hand, giving eachother kisses before parting and spending long nights in front of the fireplace just being together. I didn't want to see it, it made me feel sick just thinking about it.   
  
For the first time in my life I really wanted someone to love me. I started thinking about how nice it would be to have someone who would always be there to back you up and that's when I started to shiver, how alone I felt then. As I lay there I couldn't think of anyone who could make me happy and I felt empty.  
  
I cried myself to sleep that night, lying pathetically on the bed in my school robes. All the sadness and lonliness that I hadn't even realised was there, pouring out of me in pools of tears.  
  
The next morning I woke up and found myself to be the same old Ginny, the one before my whole fiasco with Ron and Hermione. Despite my cheerful and uncomplicated appearance though, there was a part of me that was changed, a part of me that no one else could detect. This part was still lonely and sad, it remembered that night with Harry, and it patiently waited for someone to come and give me that hug that I seemed to need all of a sudden.  
  
I couldn't have begun to imagine how long or short a time I would have to wait. 


	3. The Quidditch Pitch

Everything looked blurry as I walked down to the Quidditch pitch; it might have been because of the wet snow blowing around me in sheets, but my eyes had been seeing like that for weeks.   
  
The whole school had filed out to watch the game against Slytherin and Gryffindor about an hour ago; I had stayed in the library. It wasn't because of a lack of interest in Quidditch. I mean I did try out for Chaser the year before and I probably knew more about the Chudley Cannons than Ron, but I seemed to have acquired a lack of energy lately and in general, wasn't in the mood.  
  
An hour had passed and I seemed to be on the same page I had been the hour earlier. Anyone who knew me well, which might I add seemed to be no one at the time, could've made a bet with me that I wouldn't be able to stay in any longer and they would have won. Quidditch matches always got me excited; I was the fan who would be standing up and screaming at the other team for the whole game. I remember my voice being all hoarse after one particularly intense Gryffindor vs. Slytherin game in my fifth year. We won of course.  
  
Games against Slytherin were always the most exciting. Their team was just as good as Gryffindor and seeing them play against each other, was never a disappointing experience.   
  
So, when I had seen no one come from the Quidditch pitch since the game had begun, my curiosity got the better of me and I found myself wandering alone out to the pitch in the blizzard-like weather.   
  
I was soaked right through my threadbare cloak when I arrived at the stadium. I headed up to the Gryffindor side of the pitch and found some of my year mates waving at me through the crowd; I waved back enthusiastically.   
  
After spending about, I guess, three weeks completely ignoring my sixth year girlfriends, it was amazing how easily they reaccepted me into the group. Sometimes people could completely surprise you at the worst of times.  
  
"Hey," I said, sitting beside Georgia Christenson. She was one of my better friends at the time; she was always a good laugh.  
  
"Score's 150 to 70 for Gryffindor," Georgia informed me. "You've missed one hell of a game so far, what took you so long?"  
  
I shrugged, not wanting to explain myself; there really wasn't a good explanation, or just not one I wanted to share. That was the difference between my group and I. I knew almost everything about the other girls, and they seemed to know so little about me.  
  
Georgia and I both turned back to the game; I had to squint if I wanted to see anything. The snow was still blowing around us like a raging mad troll; nobody complained though. Who would want to miss a Quidditch match?  
  
The snow began to clear up about half an hour after I arrived and suddenly the players came into view. I could see Ron way up, close to the Gryffindor goal posts, watching the action on the other side of the field; scanning across the pitch, I saw the Gryffindor Chasers passing the Quaffle near to the Slytherin side, trying to score more points. Gryffindor was playing a great game that day, their passes were clean and I watched as the Chasers maneuvered around the Slytherin Keeper and scored. Gryffindor was winning 230 to 70.  
  
I saw Ron yell something up at Harry and following his gaze, I could see Malfoy and Harry circling above the action.  
  
Georgia nudged me in the side and whispered, "Why's Malfoy staring at you?" She pointed up at Draco.   
  
"What?" I asked. "Malfoy's not even looking my way."   
  
"Oh yes he is, look again," she said, pointing upwards. I looked up and sure enough, Malfoy's cold eyes met mine. Despite the distance between us, I could still tell he wasn't blinking.   
  
Looking into Malfoy's eyes was like having a staring contest with an angry polar bear, though I have never met a polar bear, I'm sure that Draco is a fair equivalent. His eyes were dark and unmoving, clearly showing anger as if it were an instinct; they were deeply inset and shaded, but, like a polar bear, I remember thinking with amusement, he must have reason for that anger and if you looked farther you could see traces of other emotions.  
  
As I was sitting there in the cold December weather, staring up at Draco Malfoy and hardly moving my eyes, I was suddenly reminded of another time I had looked into Draco's eyes much the same way. I must've completely forgotten about that day back in October when I had run into him twice, because it came as quite a shock when I did remember. All that time ago when Malfoy had looked at me with the same expression on his face as he had now, when he had given me his cloak and sat with me in the Prefects' bathroom. That time seemed ages ago now, back then I had been a different Ginny Weasley, a more innocent one I guess. Now I was more alert, well, more depressed to tell the truth. I mean, before I hadn't really thought about love or lust that much; things like that hadn't really been a big deal to me. But now, now I seemed to be looking for it around every corner and that can really change a person.   
  
So for some reason while I was sitting there, I began to think that Malfoy might have feelings for me, I mean why else would he stare at me like he was. This thought had just popped into my head when Draco broke eye contact and I was brought back into reality.   
  
Harry was diving down low to the ground of the Quidditch pitch. The whole crowd was ooing and awing at Harry, but then they noticed that Malfoy was not following. The voices in the stands became louder as people questioned what was happening.  
  
As Harry was pulling out of his dive, a proud grin on his face, the crowd's eyes were focused not on him but on Malfoy who was still high up in the air.  
  
"He must know where the snitch is then," Georgia whispered in my ear, her eyes still focused on Malfoy. "Else he'd have fallen for Harry's Wronski Feint."  
  
I nodded my head, though I wasn't really listening to what she was saying. Malfoy had turned back to face me. His eyes were content on mine again, but this time he was speeding toward me like there was no tomorrow. Georgia gripped onto my arm. I was like a deer caught in one of those Muggle cars' headlights; I wanted to move but I really couldn't. I remember time feeling like it was in slow motion; I felt my heart begin to speed up. Thump, thump, thumping in my chest and my breathing became uneven. I could say that it was because there seemed to be a crazy man speeding towards me on one of the fastest brooms in England, but I don't think that's it. I'm pretty sure that at that point in time, my body would have reacted exactly the same way if Draco Malfoy had been walking towards me like he was a snail.   
  
I felt a jolt at the pit of my stomach. He was close enough that I could see his 'trademark' smirk playing across his features; those grey eyes had looked like they were laughing, in a cruel and inhuman way of course. He was two feet away, one foot away; Georgia's grip tightened on my arm. Then, just as it looked like Malfoy was going to crash right into us, he swerved, turning to the right in a smooth curve like he had been planning it all along, which I reminded myself later, he probably had.   
  
The whole crowd gasped as the Slytherin Seeker zoomed along parallel to the stands; they watched as he bent closer to his broom, speeding up. Some of the fans looked ahead and the ones with keen eyes could see a glint of gold near the Ravenclaw stands. Malfoy was headed straight towards it and Harry wasn't even in sight.   
  
Malfoy caught the snitch, losing the game for Slytherin but winning it for himself. It was common knowledge that Draco would take any chance he got to upstage Harry Potter, though to me, Draco didn't look at all proud that day. He looked more like he had accomplished something for himself, and it didn't matter what anyone else thought of him, least of all his teammates.  
  
Since it was a Saturday, the game had started after lunch and it was still light out when it ended at around quarter to four. As we headed out of the stands, there was no trace of the blizzard-like weather that had plagued us earlier; it was now a cold, but beautiful, sunny winter day.   
  
On our way out of the Quidditch pitch, I caught a glimpse of Malfoy heading into the Slytherin change room; my cheeks reddened then, as I remembered his bare chest and pink pig boxers. With a sudden burst of boldness, I told Georgia that I was going over to visit Hagrid and, not quite sure of my plans yet, I doubled back and headed out around the lake.   
  
Sitting with my back to a tree on the opposite side of the lake, I had a perfect view of the Quidditch pitch entrance. I was going to wait for Draco, and hopefully get answers to the multitude of questions that seemed to be making recent appearances in my mind.   
  
It seemed to me like I had been sitting there for ages, though in perspective it couldn't have been more than ten minutes; funny how time goes by slowly when you have nothing to do.   
  
I was cold. It was getting dark and my cloak could be called anything but warm. I curled up and tried to warm myself, not once thinking that I could go back inside; closing my eyes, I fell into a half conscious state. The last thing I remember doing was opening my eyes to check if any of the voices I heard belonged to Malfoy.  
  
**  
  
"She must be freezing," I heard someone say, though the voice sounded far away.  
  
"I don't know, Hermione, she looks pretty warm in that new cloak." That was Ron. I could recognize his sarcastic voice from a mile away. Whether that's a good thing or not, I'm still trying to figure out.  
  
"Come on, come and help me wake her up. I don't think it's healthy staying out in this weather too long." I recognized Hermione's voice now as she came closer to me.   
  
"Ginny," she said, nudging me in the shoulder. "Ginny," she repeated, nudging me again.   
  
"I'm awake," I mumbled, opening my eyes. I noticed, rather absent mindedly, that it was dark out. This telling me that I must've been sitting under that 'goddamn tree' (I remember thinking it as) for a couple of hours. I felt Ron's strong arms lift me up under the armpits. I blinked a couple of times and the two of them came into view. Seeing them standing together arm in arm, I thought that they must have been going for a nighttime stroll, my 'nobody cares about me' state of mind prevented me from thinking that they might have been concerned for me.  
  
"You weren't at dinner Ginny, we were worried," Hermione told me as we walked around the lake back to the front entrance. "What were you doing out here all alone?"  
  
"And in some rich boy's cloak, too," I heard Ron mumble, though I didn't really understand what he was saying in my still sleepy state.  
  
"This is Bill's old cloak, you know that Ron," I replied. I heard Ron's unbelieving scoff, but decided to ignore it.  
  
Once inside the school, I, being extremely tired, went straight to my Gryffindor dormitory. It was only upon arriving in my room that I realised the cloak I was wearing was most definitely not Bill's old one. This one was completely black with a silver clasp and silver buttons; it was heavy on my shoulders and now that I was fully awake I could feel the magic emanating from it. There must have been a hundred charms and spells embedded into the thick wooly material. A waterproofing charm and a warming spell for sure, but the others I couldn't identify so easily.  
  
The first person I thought of when looking at the cloak was Draco Malfoy; who else in the school could afford a cloak so rich? The only others I could think of were Slytherins, so I looked all over the exterior for a house crest but couldn't find any. Then I found on the back of the interior a small M stitched in silver. This confirmed my beliefs that the cloak belonged to Malfoy.   
  
But now what to do with it? Did he give it to me so I would seek him out? Was it some kind of trap? Out of frustration, I threw the cloak on the floor; it just presented more questions involving Malfoy that I did not want and the only person who could get rid of them was Malfoy himself.  
  
Finally I decided to approach Draco, the next day if possible and get some questions answered. I now seemed to be involved with Malfoy no matter which way I looked at it, so I concluded that it couldn't make much of a difference if I strengthened that involvement, just a little bit; I couldn't think of another way to get myself out of the predicament anyway.  
  
There I was, one week away from the Christmas holidays and laying down for bed again with a clear purpose in my mind. I was in a situation I had thought I'd never be in, or better yet, it was a situation that had never even crossed my mind; yet I found myself enjoying the prospect, in fact, I think I was enjoying it a little bit more than I should have. 


	4. Of Sickness and Cloaks

I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and a stuffy nose; not a pleasant way to start the day, especially one in which I was planning to confront an incredibly pompous silver haired Slytherin.  
  
After a few minutes of dawdling and debating on whether to get up and face the world or stay in my soft and warm bed, I finally clambered out, tripping over my duvet on the way. I groaned as my head seemed to be getting bigger with every step and I cursed Malfoy; if it wasn't for him I might not have stayed out the night before and I wouldn't have caught a cold.  
  
I passed Georgia on my way to the bathroom and despite my prayers that she wouldn't speak to me, she did anyway.  
  
"Well hello sleepy head!" Geargia greeted me." It's quarter to twelve, Gin, what kept you?"  
  
With every word she spoke my head pounded and I mumbled in reply, "I'm sick."  
  
"Oh! How about I go call on Madame Pomfrey then? She'll get you fixed up in no time," Geargia said, with much enthusiasm. How anyone could be excited about going to the infirmary was beyond me, but a lot of things my year mates did went over my head, so I suppose this wasn't an exception.  
  
"It's okay Georgia," I said, trying to conceal my croaky voice. "I'll handle it."  
  
"Oh nonsense Ginny, listen to yourself! You sound like Neville's toad Trevor, and that's not a good thing," Georgia said, sounding like my Mum, I don't think she meant to, but it made me smile all the same. Georgia really wasn't that bad of a friend, sure she had her moments but she was always trying to help people, and it was nice having someone take care of you once in a while. "Now listen here Ginny, I'll go get you some cold remedy while you have a shower, meet you back here in 20 minutes ok?"  
  
I nodded in resignation and headed into the bathroom, as much as I didn't want to choke down one of Madame Pomfrey's potions, I knew it would make me feel better, as they always did. I didn't want to approach Malfoy sounding like a toad anyway; I could just imagine the insults he'd throw out. But, come to think of it, I couldn't think of the last time that Malfoy and I had fought. I couldn't even remember the last angry glance we had shared. In fact, the last time I recalled talking to him was that day in October, in the Prefects bathroom. It seemed odd to me at the time, not to have Malfoys seemingly constant presence; and it was strange to me that I hadn't noticed before. Sure, I hadn't been myself for many of those days, but still the thought was strange.  
  
Malfoys unusual behaviour was beginning to bother me, not that I was complaining about his lack of interest in me, just that he had always been there, you know like a constant in my life; maybe not a happy constant, but he had been there none the less and as much as I didn't want to say it, now that Malfoys evil smirks and snide remarks were gone, things just weren't the same. Maybe it was because having rows with Malfoy was a way for me to get my pent up frustration out, or it could have been for a completely different reason; either way, my life had changed, and it seemed to me it hadn't changed for the better.  
  
So it was that I headed into the shower with more determination to talk to Draco than I had had the night before, if that was indeed possible.  
  
*  
  
As I was pulling on my warm green sweater, the one Mum had made me for Christmas the year before, Georgia came running into the dormitory.  
  
"Sorry I'm a little late, you'll never guess who I ran into," Georgia said in between breaths, her face was beat red.  
  
"I didn't even notice," I told her, my head popped out of the top of the sweater and I turned to face her."Who did you say you ran into?"  
  
"Draco Malfoy!" She said, and I jumped at the name. "He was lingering out near the Fat Lady, I told him off on my way in and...Well, you know how he is. Anyway, he was probably waiting for some little Gryffindor's to pick on."  
  
"Georgia, how long ago did you see him." I asked, My expression completely serious.  
  
She gave me a confused look, but eventually said, "It was just two minutes ago, as I was coming up here, but Ginny, why..."  
  
"Thanks," I said, bending down to grab the cloak on the floor. "I'll see you later." And with that I ran for the dormitory door, hoping Malfoy hadn't gone too far yet.  
  
"Wait! Ginny," Georgia called after me. "You forgot your cold remedy!" I stopped and took the vial from Georgia. Quickly I uncorked it and took the potion, I winced as the hot stinging liquid found it's way down my throat.  
  
Then I was on my way, running down the stairs to the common room and out the portrait hole, with a bit more exuberance than I think was healthy for someone who had just recently had troubles getting out of bed.  
  
As I stepped out the portrait hole, my body came to a complete stop, into a warm black clad chest. When I stepped back I realised it was, of course, Malfoy, looking nice in a black long sleeved top and grey baggy pants. I looked up at his face and saw that his eyes were twinkling with amusement and his mouth was showing a hint of a grin. I remember thinking how strange these expressions were to see on a Malfoy.  
  
"Weasley," he said, I could feel his breath on my face as he talked, we were only standing about a foot apart. Although I knew I should have moved back, I didn't. Malfoy's breath on my face made my body feel cool, and my heart beat faster, I didn't want to ruin it by moving away.  
  
"Malfoy," I replied, holding up the cloak, my hands shaking from the cold."I believe this is yours."  
  
Draco reached out and took the cloak from me, his hand brushed against mine and I felt a hot tingle run up through my arm and mingle with the cold shivers his breath had given me. He took a step back and inspected the cloak. I breathed a sigh of, was it relief or disappointment? I suppose it must've been both.  
  
Draco lifted the heavy cloak with ease and turned it around, I remember thinking that he must be looking for damages and what a Malfoy like thing that was to do; but on the bright side his scrutiny of the cloak gave me a chance to look him over, I couldn't help myself; his well built chest was just too tempting to ignore, and being the innocent girl I was back then just made my situation worse.  
  
I could see his arm muscles through the black shirt and I admired them for a while before my gaze traveled south, resting on the bulge in his pants. My cheeks flushed and I quickly looked up, hoping that Draco hadn't noticed.  
  
Luckily, he was still looking at the cloak and I searched for something to say. "There's nothing wrong with it, is there?" I asked. Draco looked up and captured my eyes, I couldn't break the contact and I felt as if he was glueing my eyes to his. He took a step closer to me and pressed the cloak up to my chest, I skipped a breath.  
  
"This cloak isn't mine," he said, bending his face down close to mine. "It's yours." He breathed in my ear, making me shiver once again. He pressed the cloak closer to my chest and was now so close to me that we could have been kissing. I looked up into his eyes, swallowed and nodded; frantically trying to think of something intelligent to say, but the words never came to me, and he didn't wait for them. He just gave me one long stare and then walked away.  
  
I was so confused then, I just stood there and my eyes began to water, becoming increasingly red. It wasn't just because of Draco that I seemed to break down at that moment; it was more like my whole life. I couldn't seem to find anything good about it at the time. All I saw were the horrible aspects, I mean how would you feel, standing in a dark corridor, holding onto a black cloak that belonged to someone you were finding more and more attractive by the day. And how would you feel if you knew that person could never have the same feelings for you, what if you thought you had no friends to comfort you? How would react when you went back inside and all you saw was love? It was surrounding you but not touching you and you felt as if there was nothing you could do to change that.  
  
That's how I felt when I entered the common room again a few minutes later. Ron and Hermione had taken advantage of the empty room and were snuggled up on the couch in front of the fireplace, Hermione had her eyes closed and was leaning on Ron's shoulder.  
  
"Shhh." Ron said when I came in and then pointed towards Hermione. My eyes were still red and puffy from my outburst in the corridor but Ron didn't seem to notice, he never seemed to notice me anymore and that just made the tears come again. All I wanted to do was run upstairs and hide in my room, but then I looked outside and saw the snow blowing around and I could almost feel the cold seeping through the stone walls, for some reason I found it oddly inviting, so I headed out again, towards the front entrance.  
  
I let the tears flow freely as I walked down the empty hallway, I was thinking about all the times somebody had ignored me, all the times I had humiliated myself. Every time I had done something stupid and hidden in my shell, the one I always retreated to when anything went wrong.  
  
By the time I got down to the main hall though, the tears were just there because I needed to cry, I had to let out all my grief and get over it, because, no matter how much I tried to block it out, there was a little voice in the back of my head saying, "But how then, Ginny, did Ron and Hermione find you yesterday if they didn't care? And what about Georgia, does she not care for you?"  
  
And even further back I could hear Dumbledore's calming voice talking to me at the end of my first year, "That may be how you feel now, Virginia, but do not forget that there is always hope, you are the one who decides how you feel and who you are, don't you ever forget that."  
  
I wiped the tears away and attempted to hold my head high. I was a Weasley after all and Weasley's aren't ashamed of anything.  
  
I was standing in the middle of the front entrance, trying to blink my last tears away when I saw Draco heading out of the library. I caught his eye and he nodded in my direction, I nodded back, trying to be polite. But then I thought better of it and called after him.  
  
"Draco!" I called, running up to him and grabbing his arm, this was a slow process considering I had his long cloak on which was difficult to walk in, let alone run. My face was still red and blotchy, but I couldn't have cared less then.  
  
"Weasley," Draco said, his eyes looking unusually soft; Although that might've been because my eyes were still puffy and watery and it was difficult to see properly.  
  
"Why?" I whispered looking up at him, it was such a simple question to ask, but the answer seemed so important to me. I wanted him to confess that he had feelings for me, I wanted him to be my Prince and sweep me off my feet, I wanted him to pamper and love me. I wiped the last tears away from my cheeks and waited for an answer.  
  
Draco's eyes hardened and his expression turned from mild interest to disgust and dislike. He looked me over with one ominous sweep of his eyes and then rested them on my face again. "Why do you think," He spat, turning around and heading in the direction of the dungeons.  
  
I don't know what possessed me then, all I can remember thinking about was that his answer wasn't good enough, and so deciding to be blind and ignore the warnings in my head, I followed him.  
  
** 


	5. A Pool of Dark

I don't know exactly what possessed me to run down the corridor that day. Looking back on it now, I wish I hadn't. Running after Malfoy caused more problems than I could have imagined, some of which I didn't realize were there until it was too late. I know I have said that the 24th of October was when it all really began, but that day in December marked the point where I couldn't turn back; from then on it was as if a path had been chosen for me, one where I felt like I had no choices and that there was no way I could alter it.  
  
Later that same evening I was sitting in the common room, to all outer appearances looking as if I was studying for Potions; I was, in fact, having an internal conflict with emotions. A smile kept playing on my lips and I wondered why Ron or Harry didn't ask me why I was so happy studying.  
  
Well, I know why Harry didn't ask; he had been avoiding me ever since I rejected his invitation to Hogsmeade. Back then I couldn't understand why he was so cold towards me; he seemed to have been doing fine with his new girlfriend Padma Patil, he couldn't still have had feelings for me. Surely we could still be friends. I wasn't about to bring it up though and I didn't want to have an extremely awkward situation on my hands.  
  
That night Harry definitely wasn't the foremost on my thoughts. I could have cared less about him then. My daydreams were more geared towards the tall silver haired types, the Death Eaters son types. Yes, I know that sounds dark and forbidding, but earlier that day I had been sharply reminded of who Draco Malfoy really was, or rather what he was and where he had come from.  
  
I ran after Malfoy as fast as I could but he always seemed to be one step ahead of me, his long legs carrying him swiftly past the dungeon classrooms and down into another corridor I didn't think I had been in before. His footsteps slowed and I remember hearing a faint voice speaking up ahead.  
  
We drew closer to the voice and I realised it was coming from a room at the end of the hall, dimly lit with a single candle. Draco slowed down; his steps were cautious and wary. I saw him peer around the open door and he gave a small gasp. I could see Malfoy's form silhouetted by the light in the doorway and his sharp features pulled into a questioning, then angry look.  
  
He stepped back, grabbing me by the wrist and pulling me into the small room to the left. There seemed to be a need for silence so I held my tongue, although I must admit I was a bit surprised that he knew exactly where I was. Later I realised that he probably had known I would follow him, almost as if he had wanted me to.  
  
"Keep quiet," He whispered unnecessarily. He was closer to me in the room than I had thought; I could feel his breath on my face and his arm brushed up against mine in the darkness. I swallowed loudly, nodding.  
  
Realising that he couldn't see this, I fumbled in my robes for my wand and said, "Lumos," under my breath. The wand tip lit up the room with a soft light and I could see Malfoy's grey eyes watching me.  
  
"What're you doing?" Draco's voice was sharp but still held that quiet control I had come to notice in the Malfoys. He pressed up close to me and covered my mouth with his hand, the other grabbed my wand and I heard him mutter, "Nox."  
  
The light went out and my sense of touch became stronger. I could feel the roughness of his hand on my mouth. I had always thought that Malfoy would have soft perfectly manicured hands, not these tough weathered ones hardened by work. It was beyond me then what kind of work a Malfoy would do.  
  
I remember the feel of his body pressed up against mine; we were closer now than we had been outside the common room earlier that day. I could feel his eyes on mine but I was too scared to look back, afraid of what I would find there I suppose. It was torture standing against the wall and not being able to put my hands on his body, they yearned for his touch. I knew though, that whatever I started I would not be able to finish. Draco after all, was the son of Lucius Malfoy, not to mention a Slytherin.  
  
I'm not sure how long we kept this position, Malfoy's body close to mine and me trying to stay away as far as possible. As we stood there I began to wonder when I had started to really find Draco Malfoy an attractive person. I mean, at that point in time I felt like I had always liked him, but I know that's not true. It was just a few months ago that I had completely hated his guts and would have done anything to avoid him. He began to act strangely though and it was my curiosity as to why that I began to pay more attention to him. I started to feel extremely shallow then, I hardly knew anything about Malfoy and yet there I was thinking about him like he was some kind of God. I felt like all the other girls who had lusted after Draco Malfoy just for his looks.  
  
I remember thinking how stupid I must've looked earlier that day, acting as if I actually needed someone to love me. I thought, who am I kidding? I don't need love; I've never needed it before. I began to think like I used to, that there really wasn't a need for a relationship and I didn't have to waste my time looking for one. I must have an extremely terrible short memory because while I was standing there I had forgotten why I had been following Draco Malfoy in the first place, then again it could have just been Draco's effect on me. I asked myself, was it just because I wanted answers to Draco's strange behaviour? Or was it because of something else entirely that I followed him? Then I realised that I was still in a small room with Malfoy pressing me against a wall and I squirmed uncomfortably.  
  
Draco had been watching the window but when I moved he turned his head towards me, brushing his cheek against mine as he did so.  
  
"Am I really that repulsive, Weasley?" he asked.  
  
If he had only known what he was doing to me, I had so many different opinions of him and was confused as to which I should follow.  
  
He had taken his hand off my mouth and was waiting for an answer. "Yes," I said, trying to imitate his careless tone of voice. Then I looked in his eyes and saw what I believed was hurt and rethought my reaction. "No. Yes. I mean... I don't know." I finished lamely, my cheeks flaming red. I was lucky it was so dark.  
  
I felt Draco's muscles relax as he loosened his hold on me. I could feel his face close to mine although I couldn't see it. I felt his hand come up and tilt my head upwards, his face came closer to mine and I started to panic, my heart rate increasing. I wriggled, not knowing exactly what to do, then his lips had descended on mine and they were rough at first but warm. I felt my whole body become hot as he pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around my waist. I have to say I wasn't exactly experienced at these sorts of things, but he was pushing me backwards with such force that I just pushed back, kissing him as hard and long as I could.  
  
The only things I remember from that moment were how his lips were so rough, yet felt so good; how they roamed my face and then came back to my lips; how our breathing quickened and his hands were in my hair and then down on my back again. Our need rose and I moaned, pulling him closer with my arms around his broad shoulders, all I wanted was his body as close to mine as possible. He pushed me against the wall and lifted me so I was at his height. I felt his hands wander lower and lower until they reached the bottom of my shirt and snaked their way underneath it.  
  
My eyes opened wide; it was still pitch black inside the room and I couldn't see a thing. Draco was kissing my neck and his leg was still wedged in between mine, holding me up. I ran my hands up his body to find his shoulders and then gently shoved him off me. He let go and I stood up straight, but his hands still lingered around my waist and his face was dangerously close.  
  
I resisted the urge to kiss him again and whispered, "Stop it."  
  
I couldn't see his reaction, although I heard him groan and back away. I didn't know what else to say so I just slumped against the wall and tried to suppress the emotions coursing through me. Malfoy must have stepped back also, there was a loud clang and I heard him mutter some particularly offensive language under his breath.  
  
Our attention was brought to the door when a deep voice called, "What was that?"  
  
The window lit up with lights and I could see that Draco had fallen to the floor, his body frozen and his eyes wide. I noticed a shadow appear in the doorway and the knob beginning to turn. The next thing I recall was Draco grabbing me by the waist and us apparating out of the small room.  
  
We appeared in another small room, this one circular. The door to the room was open though and led out into another room whose main feature was a large circular pool.  
  
I opened my mouth to ask a question, but Malfoys glare warned me and I stayed quiet. 


End file.
